i just got back from the bookstore. its 10:36pm and i have had way to much coffee. i have been reading "the kid who climbed everest" by bear grylls. it's been a really good read so far and has gotten me pumped up about the trip! i think to myself "if this 23 year old kid can climb mt. everest @29,000 ft., i can do this easy!" but i know it won't. it is going to be the physically hardest thing i have ever done by far. but that's why i feel this burning need to do this, to challenge myself, to overcome and gain the wisdom that is waiting on the mountain top. it is said that when one is well, they have a thousand wishes, but when one is sick, they have only one. i am sick. my heart has been riped from my body and throne into the grinder by the one whom i loved the most. my body is still recovering from a tumor i had removed that i was told might have been cancer. and my spirit was crushed daily from a job that left me cold and dirty inside. i have one wish. to become well. i have no doubt that this trip was meant for me at this precise time in my life and that through this process of physical challenge and introspection of my mind and heart, i will reach my journeys end whole and renewed. it's strange, starting over. the last four years of my life i was on this one track, with a few reachable goals for the life i was carving out. i had a lovely wife, a nice house, two insane dogs, the cars/toys ect. after two and 1/2 years, my wife threw her hands in the air and walked out of our marriage, saying only that she no longer wanted to be married anymore. thinking back on it is surreal, i was working a job i hated, and had more bills then money. but i didn't mind, because i was doing it all for her, for us, and for the family we had planed on having. now that is all gone, and although my heart still hurts, a new since freedom and adventure fills me to my core. something i know my life has been lacking for a long time. so now instead of looking at my future with a life full of jobs i hate to make ends meet, mortgage payments that hang over one like the blackest of clouds, and a mind set to "consume", i am starting the life i now believe i was meant to live. from the start, i knew this blog was going to get "heavy". all my life i have tried to be very honest and straight forward to those close to me, and to leave things out like the above would be cheating you and myself out of the real adventure, not the physical journey but that of the heart and mind. way. too. much. coffee.
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10:30:00 PM
by matt
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